Am I an Old Maid?

Hello all! Tonight is Saturday night and I'm beyond bored, I seriously do not know what I would do if I lived at my parents house all summer long. I have no friends here, well I do but not as many as in South Jersey. That's sad. Another thing I don't have is a boyfriend which would take up a lot of my time if I did. The 15 year old boy who runs the restaurant I work at is always trying to set me up with people he knows. And by that I mean the 17 year old bus boys. He is concerned that I will be an old maid who drinks all the time. My mom mom is also concerned that I will be alone. I'm 22 years old and I think Im alright looking? I don't know why people are so worried. Maybe they should be? I don't fucking know. Either way I wasn't worried about this until I realized other people were! What the fuck!?

Anyway, I got a bunch of new clothes this week. That's one perk of being home, my mom spoils me. Alls we do is shop. Today we were at the Gap outlet and my flip flop broke and I almost fell. How embarrassing!! Not really, but that's the most exciting thing that's happened to me all day.

I would like to drink heavily right now. I haven't drank since last Saturday at the black and white affair. It's been too long. Is this called alcoholism? I don't know and I don't care if it is. I'm also losing my tan which is a problem. God I can't even wait til Monday! It will be so glorious!

What do people do who have no friends and are bored all the time? I usually have friends, just this week I haven't. Maybe they blog?

I was just on facebook and someone muploaded (mobile uploaded) a wedding party playing flip cup. I don't know if I think it's trashy or fun? I'll have to think about it. I'm on the verge of making a very bad decision. Gotta go!!

Bye for now.

Is 55 The New 25?

Hello all!  I am so ashamed that I have not blogged in almost a month!  Please take me back, I needed some space and some time alone to really get my creative blog juices flowing.  So I've been in the dirty jerz just doin my thing, ya know partyin, workin, lookin sexy.  I wish I could tell you about the title of my blog but it is not appropriate, it is a funny story though, so if you are blessed enough to be my friend text me about it and I will tell you I will even provide you with a picture to really get you into the story. 

So anyway, I am back in PA for a week because I had surgery on my mouth.  My surgery went well thank you for asking, I was swollen and sore for a couple of days but I got through it.  My top lip was swollen, I looked like Taylor Armstrong from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, not a good look for me.  Today I got my hair highlighted and colored and Mikki talked me into getting my hair cut.  I got five inches taken off, I don't know if Mikki was trying to help me or sabotage me.  I still look pretty though, don't worry. 

This past weekend I attended a black and white affair for my friend Meredith's birthday.  The affair was held at Courtney and Dave's house (where I also reside).  Everyone had to wear black or white obviously, but guess who shows up with a gray hat on?  My future son's father Chaz, if he wasn't Courtney's brother and my future mans I think Meredith would have kicked him out.  The affair was fun, I feel like it was a blur but I didn't think I was drunk...maybe I was?  I don't know either way, PA is boring.  I want to go back to jersey now but I have to wait til Monday.  Oh well.

In other news, I would like to tell some stories about this "man" that comes in and out of my life via facebook inbox messages.  This guy is a character, the stories I could tell about him are truly hilarious.  The thing is, I don't want him to ever know that I write about him and what if when my blog goes viral he reads it.  He also has a blog, his blog is funny but not as funny as mine.  And I did not pose off of his blog, best believe that.

Here's three things I'm obsessed with this week (Yes, I stole this from Andy Cohen, get over it).
1.) Mob Wives
2.) Manly Men
3.) The fact that a 51 year old actor married a 16 year old girl (I am not obsessed with this in a good way, don't get it twisted).

Mob Wives, I aspire to be just like Carla on Mob Wives.  I am so much like Carla, I am not confrontational but if provoked, I will attack.  And I stand up for my mans (if I had a mans, I would stand up for him).  If you haven't seen Mob Wives, get it together and watch all of the episodes from the season premiere.  The shit that these women do and say is truly entertaining.  Is it bad that I now want to be a Mob Wife?  I don't care if it's bad, only God can judge me.  Do you think I could be married to a Gangster?  I think I could, as long as he has money and looks half decent.  He could dress me up, I could be his doll.  I dream big.  My Uncle gave me some good advice about two weeks ago, he said, "Marry rich, the older the better that way you can put up a fight.  You'll be alright, I've never seen a beautiful blonde bag lady."  Damn, ain't that the truth!  I will never be a bag lady as long as I stay blonde?  Fact.  Anyway back to Mob Wives, I think I need to move to Staten Island and start my life there, that or South Philly, either one. 

Manly men.  Nothing is more sexy than a dirty man, you know he knows how to fix shit.  You know you will never call a repair man.  You also know that he is truly a mans man.  This obsession doesn't only last a week, it lasts a life time.  You know when you're in WaWa around noon and all the construction men are on their lunch breaks, yea that's the kinda man I want.  One that stares at girls like they are mere sex objects, yea, a true man.  I think WaWa and Home Depot would probably be two great places to meet men.  If you see me at Home Depot don't be alarmed, babygirl's just trying to get a date. 

This fucking 51 year old man marrying a fucking 16 year old girl.  What the fuck?  OK, this girl's parents signed (or whatever you have to do to let your CHILD get married younger than 18) for her to marry a 51 year old man!  He's an actor that's why.  You can't even begin to tell me that if he was some regular pedophile on the street that this girl would have been allowed to marry this piece of shit.  Nope, wouldn't have happened.  They got married to show people of the world, like me that love knows no age.  Bullshit.  You're 16 years old, I give them two years.  There is no way that this marriage will last.  I will now think back to when I was 16.  Yep, I was an idiot, no way in hell could I have been married.  Maybe I'm being close minded, maybe I shouldn't care, but guess what?  I do.  You are sick 51 year old man, whom I forget your name, you are a disgrace!  I wanted that picture to be below but oh well, I can't figure out how to move it.  She does look old for a 16 year old, and he does look like a dick head for marrying a 16 year old, oh wait, he is.

I would like to leave my readers with something special today, but I'm not going to.  Bye for now!